Hey all wanted to do this blog after something that happened to me tonight,as most know we were coming to cleveland clinic for toms appt and we usually go to whole foods cause its healthy (or so i thought) to get some things that i cant get at home like kombucha.
I get my items then we make it to the salad and food bar got my salad,balsamic brussel sprouts,and some pesto pasta. We come back to hotel room have dinner then shortly after my inner thighs by my knees started itching really bad then i looked and it was raised like a rash so not sure if it was hives or what cause i never had them before.
So my reason for this blog is apparently just because the name says whole doesnt mean its whole,we really need to pay attention to what we eat I now know they can and will put anything in our food and we know nothing about it!!!!!! So i will just go there to get my kombucha and other necessities and stay away from their prepared foods and just get salad bar only.
I had a long talk with tom about this too cause he does like to eat out he likes to treat himself too but i stressed if he wants to do that then ill get it for him but i dont want to,i need to take control and get this crap out of my system,and that i need him to support me like i support him,with me having food issues which i will explain to you all at a later time when im ready and the time is right...
So we normally bring our food and have to eat it cold cause there is no way to heat it up and somethings just arent good cold hahah so i figured cause it was whole foods they couldnt sell anything that wasent good for you,and that brings me to something i read from jada who has metabolic effect and he said he'd rather people eat mcdonalds than the crap they sell at whole foods and i thought that was the strangest thing but now i know what he was meaning so i will have to thank him on twitter.
So thats all for now peeps i just wanted to get this out before it slipped my mind,just be aware of what you are putting in your body cause it does make a difference,IF IT COMES FROM THE GROUND,IF IT HAS A MOTHER THAN YOU CAN EAT IT.
Tonight was my wake up call.
thanks so much xoxox
jenn
Back from Cleveland Clinic
Well back from the clinic for toms heart appt and they decided to leave the lvad in for at least a year to let him heal completely on the inside so that will be up may 2013.They said they will re present him infront of the transplant board again next tuesday cause when you have a surgery like he had done they have to freeze his time or take him off cause unless it was dire emergency they wouldnt cut him open before 6 mos,so they said after they present him on tuesday then add him as a 1b let him accrue time then when it gets closer to the 1 yr date they will add him to 1a emergency status which means they will start looking for a heart,they say the longer you have your own heart the better cause the like span for a heart transplant is 10 yrs could be more or less but they say 10.
So after they explained the risks again we wish they could do it tomorrow but for safety reasons and whats better medically for him we have to wait,but time will fly it has already these 5 mos flew by literally,and they said since hes doing great with the implant they dont wanna rush things they just watch for signs of bleeding etc that can come with the placement of the lvad which is why we have to go to cleveland every 2-4 weeks plus they need to see how the driveline and all looks so i think i summed it all up if i remember anymore i will add it they said so much i was like a sponge trying to soak it all in thank you all for the love and support i really appreciate it
xoxoxo jenn
So after they explained the risks again we wish they could do it tomorrow but for safety reasons and whats better medically for him we have to wait,but time will fly it has already these 5 mos flew by literally,and they said since hes doing great with the implant they dont wanna rush things they just watch for signs of bleeding etc that can come with the placement of the lvad which is why we have to go to cleveland every 2-4 weeks plus they need to see how the driveline and all looks so i think i summed it all up if i remember anymore i will add it they said so much i was like a sponge trying to soak it all in thank you all for the love and support i really appreciate it
xoxoxo jenn
Time to wake up
Well here we are again another sad post unfortunately maybe one day soon it will be a happy post,but I wanted to write this blog because people think i am being hard on myself and or being to negative because I made a comment on my friends toneitup pic of her sweatshirts and said i would love one but they are to small,the highest is a large.
I know what size i am and what things will not fit so no way am i being negative just facing the truth and not ling to myself about what size i am,like how people lie on dl about their weight what they want it to be,i want to be alot smaller than what i am and im working on it,but the reality is the jeans i used to wear last year no longer fit and i am back to wearing my pjs everywhere i go,cause nothing in my closet fits and i refuse to go buy clothes cause i dont wanna be here any longer than i have to...Im trying things through trial and error and hopefully next week we will have a solution.
Believe me Im the one looking in the mirror everyday and seeing the spare tire that goes all the way around me to give me a tabletop booty and a stomach apron, so im not negative im just being honest with how i look cause theres no point in fooling everyone else and myself of someone that I am not ..
So thats all for now just wanted you guys to know where Im coming from and this gives you all an insite on my feelings towards all that.I could go on and on but i wont so i hope you all understand,and hope everyone is getting their workouts it xoxoxo
jenn
I know what size i am and what things will not fit so no way am i being negative just facing the truth and not ling to myself about what size i am,like how people lie on dl about their weight what they want it to be,i want to be alot smaller than what i am and im working on it,but the reality is the jeans i used to wear last year no longer fit and i am back to wearing my pjs everywhere i go,cause nothing in my closet fits and i refuse to go buy clothes cause i dont wanna be here any longer than i have to...Im trying things through trial and error and hopefully next week we will have a solution.
Believe me Im the one looking in the mirror everyday and seeing the spare tire that goes all the way around me to give me a tabletop booty and a stomach apron, so im not negative im just being honest with how i look cause theres no point in fooling everyone else and myself of someone that I am not ..
So thats all for now just wanted you guys to know where Im coming from and this gives you all an insite on my feelings towards all that.I could go on and on but i wont so i hope you all understand,and hope everyone is getting their workouts it xoxoxo
jenn
One day
Hey guys i was on a bike ride this morning and it hit me as i passed these 2 girls they were fit and thin wearing cute outfits,I just want to know what it feels like to be fit and thin,I wanna wear cute outfits where while im walking or running the shorts dont ride up my legs and hip part dont ride up to my waist cause my fat forces those things to happen, one day i will wear a sports bra and cute shorts but
I guess one I have to be comfortable in my own skin and dont look hidious in the clothes but IT MIGHT NOT BE TODAY,TOMORROW,OR NEXT WEEK (but hopefully by the time im 40 and thats only 2 yrs away)BUT I WILL GET THERE.
I want to be one of those fit girls who can buy cute things and look good in them,
I just want to know what it feels like to be thin and fit,but as i was doing tummy tucks not surgery lol moves for the abs hehe and when my fat was moving it was actually hurting and when that reality happens it hits me will i ever get there? ONE DAY
p.s. this blog is not meant to upset any girls who work hard for their bodies and experience those kinds of things im just posting my thoughts of what im feeling right now.
Thanks guys for all your support xoxox
Jenn
I guess one I have to be comfortable in my own skin and dont look hidious in the clothes but IT MIGHT NOT BE TODAY,TOMORROW,OR NEXT WEEK (but hopefully by the time im 40 and thats only 2 yrs away)BUT I WILL GET THERE.
I want to be one of those fit girls who can buy cute things and look good in them,
I just want to know what it feels like to be thin and fit,but as i was doing tummy tucks not surgery lol moves for the abs hehe and when my fat was moving it was actually hurting and when that reality happens it hits me will i ever get there? ONE DAY
p.s. this blog is not meant to upset any girls who work hard for their bodies and experience those kinds of things im just posting my thoughts of what im feeling right now.
Thanks guys for all your support xoxox
Jenn
Just guuuurrrr
Hey guys hope you all are having a great saturday,I thought mine was gonna start off to a great one ..I was back into my 3 aday workouts and my food was right on target,so I was actually looking forward to stepping on the scale so I got up went and stepped on and closed my eyes and when i heard the beep I opened and my heart just sunk to my feet it felt like my eyes were still closed,cause there was a big goose egg ele zilcho.
Then the mentality set in I started thinking im taking the day off cause im physically tired anyway so what the heck,then i decided im not gonna let the old to take back over so after my lunch i went on a 6mi bike ride...
Its just one of those things that i start running through my mind is that i have picked up my cardio and strength training again so am i building muscle? holding fluid?my body tired and wanting a break?all those questions and more I keep asking myself and I should know cause I am so intune with my body I really pay attention to it so why an I being stubborn and trying to find a different answer when I already know it.
Because normally m body like to build muscle first then likes to release the fat not sure why but i know when i start adding biking to my cardio it likes to build up my legs before it lets fat go its good but for the scale days its not so good cause we all know when trying to lose weight we want to see the number go down and when that happens the inches go as well,but me its like if the scale doesnt move the inches dont either,so frustrating ,but Im determined to keep going and not met it get me down tomorrows sunday and I am gonna take a rest day to rest mind and body cuse they both need to be on the same page.. so by doing that I can plan my meals for the upcoming week and prepare them cause its so much easier when all you have to do is re heat,so I think its enough rambling for now I hope you all enjoy the rest of your weekend and are hitting your cardio hard and eating as clean as possible.
I want to thank all my TONE IT UP GIRLS for all your love and support because I couldnt do it without you,anytime Im stuck,struggling or have a ton of questions you all are always there for me and I hope I dont get on your nerves with all the questions cause i always ask alot when i dont understand something or if im starting something new cause i have a tendency to mess it up.
So just know that I love and appreciate you all so much i cant and dont want to do it without you all.
MUCH LOVE,JENN
Then the mentality set in I started thinking im taking the day off cause im physically tired anyway so what the heck,then i decided im not gonna let the old to take back over so after my lunch i went on a 6mi bike ride...
Its just one of those things that i start running through my mind is that i have picked up my cardio and strength training again so am i building muscle? holding fluid?my body tired and wanting a break?all those questions and more I keep asking myself and I should know cause I am so intune with my body I really pay attention to it so why an I being stubborn and trying to find a different answer when I already know it.
Because normally m body like to build muscle first then likes to release the fat not sure why but i know when i start adding biking to my cardio it likes to build up my legs before it lets fat go its good but for the scale days its not so good cause we all know when trying to lose weight we want to see the number go down and when that happens the inches go as well,but me its like if the scale doesnt move the inches dont either,so frustrating ,but Im determined to keep going and not met it get me down tomorrows sunday and I am gonna take a rest day to rest mind and body cuse they both need to be on the same page.. so by doing that I can plan my meals for the upcoming week and prepare them cause its so much easier when all you have to do is re heat,so I think its enough rambling for now I hope you all enjoy the rest of your weekend and are hitting your cardio hard and eating as clean as possible.
I want to thank all my TONE IT UP GIRLS for all your love and support because I couldnt do it without you,anytime Im stuck,struggling or have a ton of questions you all are always there for me and I hope I dont get on your nerves with all the questions cause i always ask alot when i dont understand something or if im starting something new cause i have a tendency to mess it up.
So just know that I love and appreciate you all so much i cant and dont want to do it without you all.
MUCH LOVE,JENN
A must for me
Hey guys I wanted to share something with you that I do every morning
when I get up and do before I go to sleep at night I hope you listen and
may they help you if you need some strength... I can do all things through CHRIST who strengthens me ..
Why oh why
Hey everyone it been awhile since i have blogged just been trying to adjust to everything thats going on with tom and me....so here goes all honesty.
I know its no excuse but since toms been sick I have gained 20 lbs roughly and its been terrible, with all the traveling we do back and forth to cleveland clinic its so hard to pack all my food cause we never know how long we are going to be there etc and cardio is so hard in a hotel room i know its no excuse but thats all i can say about that,so now on to the last week we decided we needed a break so the dr gave us the ok to go and visit family so we came to indy and i did come prepared with my coler of food and drinks and workout gear so needless to say my good intensions went down the toilet.
With people that dont share the same habits and dont plan things properly makes everything that you do super hard and you give in to temptation and next thing you know 1 day snowballs into a week and im feeling it i feel like crap physically and mentally,today we had a party for my niece and i changed clothes 3x cause i felt yucky and looked worse and you would think that would wake me up out of this funk but instead it made me want to continue to eat bad.
So not sure why i mentally fight with myself over this but i had all intentions doing everything right but on monday morning we are heading back home and i will be so glad i will miss my family terribly but i need to be back in my own safe zone where its easier to control my food and cardio.
My cardio is my stress reliever it helps so much and I have got to do the tone it up plan awesome for 10 days before all this happened so now its like all the hard work i put into those 10 days is now gone and i have to fight harder to get back to where i was...I did manage to get 1 good run in while i was here and let me tell you it was so hard it felt like it was my very first run of my life and it wasent ,its amazing how 5lbs feels like 50,and once again i did something i swore i would never do when i lost 134 pounds i said wow i will never go back to being like that again and look its slowly happening and when i see all the people from bl and those shows gain all their weight back i say to myself wow how can they let that happen? Now i know i am eating my own words.
So i made a promise to GOD last night and i am not going back on my word i want,need,and deserve this so i will succeed with all the help from my TONE IT UP TEAM we will make this happen i cant do it without you and the LORD.
Sorry i went on a rant i start to write then get off point with something else i need to say so on that note i will let you all go for now and promise to blog again very soon
Love you all so much xoxox
JENN
I know its no excuse but since toms been sick I have gained 20 lbs roughly and its been terrible, with all the traveling we do back and forth to cleveland clinic its so hard to pack all my food cause we never know how long we are going to be there etc and cardio is so hard in a hotel room i know its no excuse but thats all i can say about that,so now on to the last week we decided we needed a break so the dr gave us the ok to go and visit family so we came to indy and i did come prepared with my coler of food and drinks and workout gear so needless to say my good intensions went down the toilet.
With people that dont share the same habits and dont plan things properly makes everything that you do super hard and you give in to temptation and next thing you know 1 day snowballs into a week and im feeling it i feel like crap physically and mentally,today we had a party for my niece and i changed clothes 3x cause i felt yucky and looked worse and you would think that would wake me up out of this funk but instead it made me want to continue to eat bad.
So not sure why i mentally fight with myself over this but i had all intentions doing everything right but on monday morning we are heading back home and i will be so glad i will miss my family terribly but i need to be back in my own safe zone where its easier to control my food and cardio.
My cardio is my stress reliever it helps so much and I have got to do the tone it up plan awesome for 10 days before all this happened so now its like all the hard work i put into those 10 days is now gone and i have to fight harder to get back to where i was...I did manage to get 1 good run in while i was here and let me tell you it was so hard it felt like it was my very first run of my life and it wasent ,its amazing how 5lbs feels like 50,and once again i did something i swore i would never do when i lost 134 pounds i said wow i will never go back to being like that again and look its slowly happening and when i see all the people from bl and those shows gain all their weight back i say to myself wow how can they let that happen? Now i know i am eating my own words.
So i made a promise to GOD last night and i am not going back on my word i want,need,and deserve this so i will succeed with all the help from my TONE IT UP TEAM we will make this happen i cant do it without you and the LORD.
Sorry i went on a rant i start to write then get off point with something else i need to say so on that note i will let you all go for now and promise to blog again very soon
Love you all so much xoxox
JENN
Not forgotten
Hey my sweets just to let you al know that I havent forgotten about you or my blog but things have been alittle crazy BUT i will post a blog wen I get back tonight from my nieces birthday party when I have more time....
LOTS OF LOVE XOXOXO
Jenn
LOTS OF LOVE XOXOXO
Jenn
When the ones we love hurt
There is so much for me to vent about tonight,but I'm gonna just vent about when the one we love most in the world is hurting....my husband is battling conjestive heart failure and there is so much that goes along with that its just amazing,watching him everyday struggling to breathe doing the simple things in life that we all take for granted like putting on our shoes,laying down,and just simply breathing.
The therapy nurses are playing around with his meds cause they noticed he was pale and low blood pressure etc,cause i guess some of the meds shouldnt be taken at the same time cause they do lower your pressure and i was like wow the dr should have known that and said well take these at different times cause it can make you weak,well they said well o2 at night will def help him sleep better and wake up well rested well its been 5 nights and we are still waiting for that to happen,they also said moving the times of his meds should help too and we are waiting on that too.
I know with an ejection fraction of 15% there is shortness of breath but when it was that before he never was short of breath...i say that cause he had open heart to repair his leaky valve and at that time is fraction was 15% then it went up to 30% but had to put a defibulator in and things were going great til december when he started being short of breath mind you that in nov the nurse called and said his echo came back good,so i call the dr in dec and told her hes been short of breath etc and she said well let me look at his echo so she goes well his fraction id back down to 15 and i said uum the nurse called us and said all was good....so talk about a shocker..so after tests and his heart needing to be a certain number before the insurance would pay for the pacemaker to be put in,so thats what happened they added the pacemaker/def combo and he has been in nothing but misery,i dont mind taking care of him cause hes my husband and those were in my vowels sickness and in health but its so hard to see him like this because hes so independent and hates to have people wait on him hand and foot etc,but he is my husband and i will do anything in the world for him i just want im to get and feel better soon.
But the way it looks he will be added onto the transplant list if things dont improve,but i doubt if they improve where his heart % oes over 30 again cause they said his hart was so enlarged and stretched out that they doubt if it goes back to normal.....so who knows how long the list will be im sure its really long and not sure how all that process works but when we go to the dr im gonna ask,cause he needs to be on it for that reason of not knowing how long the wait is....and i dont want im to be suffering anymore and i think he really qualifies .....so whoever reads this blog i ask that you please say a prayer for tom cause we need all the help we can get.....
thanks again xo jenn
The therapy nurses are playing around with his meds cause they noticed he was pale and low blood pressure etc,cause i guess some of the meds shouldnt be taken at the same time cause they do lower your pressure and i was like wow the dr should have known that and said well take these at different times cause it can make you weak,well they said well o2 at night will def help him sleep better and wake up well rested well its been 5 nights and we are still waiting for that to happen,they also said moving the times of his meds should help too and we are waiting on that too.
I know with an ejection fraction of 15% there is shortness of breath but when it was that before he never was short of breath...i say that cause he had open heart to repair his leaky valve and at that time is fraction was 15% then it went up to 30% but had to put a defibulator in and things were going great til december when he started being short of breath mind you that in nov the nurse called and said his echo came back good,so i call the dr in dec and told her hes been short of breath etc and she said well let me look at his echo so she goes well his fraction id back down to 15 and i said uum the nurse called us and said all was good....so talk about a shocker..so after tests and his heart needing to be a certain number before the insurance would pay for the pacemaker to be put in,so thats what happened they added the pacemaker/def combo and he has been in nothing but misery,i dont mind taking care of him cause hes my husband and those were in my vowels sickness and in health but its so hard to see him like this because hes so independent and hates to have people wait on him hand and foot etc,but he is my husband and i will do anything in the world for him i just want im to get and feel better soon.
But the way it looks he will be added onto the transplant list if things dont improve,but i doubt if they improve where his heart % oes over 30 again cause they said his hart was so enlarged and stretched out that they doubt if it goes back to normal.....so who knows how long the list will be im sure its really long and not sure how all that process works but when we go to the dr im gonna ask,cause he needs to be on it for that reason of not knowing how long the wait is....and i dont want im to be suffering anymore and i think he really qualifies .....so whoever reads this blog i ask that you please say a prayer for tom cause we need all the help we can get.....
thanks again xo jenn
Turn Frustration Into Motivation
I found myself thinking tonight while watching biggest loser as they were working out,wow i remember a few months ago i was on target working out several times a day and feeling awesome,then things and life happens.
Before you know it the weight creeps back on even though still working out my food there for awhile wasent on target,then id get back on track then fall back off..good intentions but alot of fails as well.So apparently i was eating all that i was burning off and then some....
We all have done and said that when i lose this weight i wont put it back on im not going back there again,and before you know it you have that a ha moment and you get this slap against the head that says WHAT ARE YOU DOING,WHY ARE YOU GONNA LET ALL THE HARD WORK AND DETICATION YOU PUT INTO THIS GO DOWN THE DRAIN??? Also when i see previous contestants on bl and they have gained all or most of their weight back and I say wow how can they do that? Iwould never let that happen to me... Now those words are coming back to bite me in the butt,granted I have only put 20 lbs on of the 135 that i have lost but thats still to much cause i feel like its mainly fat gain cause i havent been weight training either and i need that for the inches..and things just feel differently with my body since i havent been using weights.
So with all that being said i understand how it can happen,and to never say never,but i decided that im making a new commitment to myself cause i am worth it and im sick and tired of feeling like crap...and dont like that im slowly falling into that old mentality its only a cookie there will be cardio tomorrow then no cardio happens and the eating crap continues,so tomorrow my training continues for the mini marathon in may(if not i will not be able to finish and i will be devistated)so that means a run in the am weights in afternoon and a bike ride in early evening.
Also its the little things like a pair of jeans that fit just right.....sorry if i confuse you all there is always so much running through my brain as i type and im trying to get it all in as i remember lol
So thanks guys and gals for reading my rants HERES TO A NEW AND HEALTHIER LIFE AND TO TRY NOT TO SWEAT THE SMALL STUFF
XOXO JENN
Before you know it the weight creeps back on even though still working out my food there for awhile wasent on target,then id get back on track then fall back off..good intentions but alot of fails as well.So apparently i was eating all that i was burning off and then some....
We all have done and said that when i lose this weight i wont put it back on im not going back there again,and before you know it you have that a ha moment and you get this slap against the head that says WHAT ARE YOU DOING,WHY ARE YOU GONNA LET ALL THE HARD WORK AND DETICATION YOU PUT INTO THIS GO DOWN THE DRAIN??? Also when i see previous contestants on bl and they have gained all or most of their weight back and I say wow how can they do that? Iwould never let that happen to me... Now those words are coming back to bite me in the butt,granted I have only put 20 lbs on of the 135 that i have lost but thats still to much cause i feel like its mainly fat gain cause i havent been weight training either and i need that for the inches..and things just feel differently with my body since i havent been using weights.
So with all that being said i understand how it can happen,and to never say never,but i decided that im making a new commitment to myself cause i am worth it and im sick and tired of feeling like crap...and dont like that im slowly falling into that old mentality its only a cookie there will be cardio tomorrow then no cardio happens and the eating crap continues,so tomorrow my training continues for the mini marathon in may(if not i will not be able to finish and i will be devistated)so that means a run in the am weights in afternoon and a bike ride in early evening.
Also its the little things like a pair of jeans that fit just right.....sorry if i confuse you all there is always so much running through my brain as i type and im trying to get it all in as i remember lol
So thanks guys and gals for reading my rants HERES TO A NEW AND HEALTHIER LIFE AND TO TRY NOT TO SWEAT THE SMALL STUFF
XOXO JENN
A change is happening
Well tonight i was hungry and didnt wanna have heavy food cause im taking baby steps to kims beauty detox,even though i have been gf etc for several years but the food pairing etc is a change in itself and to add more and different kinds of greens in my diet.
So after 2second thought i was like im going to go make my first ggs,and to much to my surprise it was outstanding i cut the recipe to 1 serving but it was more than 1 lol there was plenty left over,so after i poured my first glass and stored the rest in the fridge,i drank the first and was like well the serving was supposed to be 1 so i might as well go finish it off hahahahaha SO I DID.
I'm sure you all have heard that you are never supposed to drink your calories which to a point i agree and this is the exception cause for me its hard to eat all the greens youre supposed to get in one day and with me if im hungry fruit just doesnt fill me up, so this is an easy solution get my greens,fruit and ice and its a filling healthy treat,well guys thats all for now im gonna finish my ggs and catch up on some tv...nite all
xoxox jenn
Just for today
I find myself saying this over and over several times a day and maybe just maybe one day when I say it,it will sink in...
xoxo Jenn
Overwhelming
For some reason out of the blue im feeling alittle overwhelmed tonight,alot of mental battles going on inside not sure if its just my body detoxing from all the crap thats inside my body from the holidays that i ate....and i ate bad,so i decided to go back to the basics with some new adjustments..
I have read about kimberly snyder a cn so i got her ibook and read it several times cause its an adjustment and to make sure i understand what i am doing cause it does take me some time to understand things,and it bothers me sometimes that i do that cause then i tend to overthink things and make it worse.HER book is awesome and it makes alot of sense and makes you more aware of how and what we are eating,but one of my down falls is if i dont get instant gratification like losing weight and inches i get upset and stop and i need to retink that cause i know the body needs time to adjust but thats easier said than done.
But im just gonna keep at it and realize that if i give my body fresh semi organic (money permitting cause organic is pricey) that my body will respond cause it will know how to use and digest the healthy food ,and with GODS help i feel i can finally get this right.....of course i know even though its healthy food like nuts for instance is still high in calories so i still have to monitor those things but with my cardio/weights it will top it off.
Enough with my ramblings it seems like when i blog theres so much going through my mind and things are scattered all over the place lol nothings in order hehe but i mean well
xoxo jenn
Something New
Thanks to a great friend Ive decided to start messing around with photography,i would see her pics and think wow she does such a great job and pictures are a great way to save memories that our minds tend to forget about sometimes.
So for CHRISTMAS i got a canon t2i and it does take some time getting used to but im loving it alot..but the other part of the battle is the editing lol but shes gonna help me with that too,im the kind of person who wont stop til I get it right or figure it out..
So thank you my Kshim for giving me some great ideas and inspiring me.
