Why oh why

Hey everyone it been awhile since i have blogged just been trying to adjust to everything thats going on with tom and me....so here goes all honesty.
I know its no excuse but since toms been sick I have gained 20 lbs roughly and its been terrible, with all the traveling we do back and forth to cleveland clinic its so hard to pack all my food cause we never know how long we are going to be there etc and cardio is so hard in a hotel room i know its no excuse but thats all i can say about that,so now on to the last week we decided we needed a break so the dr gave us the ok to go and visit family so we came to indy and i did come prepared with my coler of food and drinks and workout gear so needless to say my good intensions went down the toilet.
With people that dont share the same habits and dont plan things properly makes everything that you do super hard and you give in to temptation and next thing you know 1 day snowballs into a week and im feeling it i feel like crap physically and mentally,today we had a party for my niece and i changed clothes 3x cause i felt yucky and looked worse and you would think that would wake me up out of this funk but instead it made me want to continue to eat bad.
    So not sure why i mentally fight with myself over this but i had all intentions doing everything right but on monday morning we are heading back home and i will be so glad i will miss my family terribly but i need to be back in my own safe zone where its easier to control my food and cardio.
   My cardio is my stress reliever it helps so much and I have got to do the tone it up plan awesome for 10 days before all this happened so now its like all the hard work i put into those 10 days is now gone and i have to fight harder to get back to where i was...I did manage to get 1 good run in while i was here and let me tell you it was so hard it felt like it was my very first run of my life and it wasent ,its amazing how 5lbs feels like 50,and once again i did something i swore i would never do when i lost 134 pounds i said wow i will never go back to being like that again and look its slowly happening and when i see all the people from bl and those shows gain all their weight back i say to myself wow how can they let that happen? Now i know i am eating my own words.
  So i made a promise to GOD last night and i am not going back on my word i want,need,and deserve this so i will succeed with all the help from my TONE IT UP TEAM we will make this happen i cant do it without you and the LORD.
 Sorry i went on a rant i start to write then get off point with something else i need to say so on that note i will let you all go for now and promise to blog again very soon

Love you all so much xoxox
JENN