Well here we are again another sad post unfortunately maybe one day soon it will be a happy post,but I wanted to write this blog because people think i am being hard on myself and or being to negative because I made a comment on my friends toneitup pic of her sweatshirts and said i would love one but they are to small,the highest is a large.
I know what size i am and what things will not fit so no way am i being negative just facing the truth and not ling to myself about what size i am,like how people lie on dl about their weight what they want it to be,i want to be alot smaller than what i am and im working on it,but the reality is the jeans i used to wear last year no longer fit and i am back to wearing my pjs everywhere i go,cause nothing in my closet fits and i refuse to go buy clothes cause i dont wanna be here any longer than i have to...Im trying things through trial and error and hopefully next week we will have a solution.
Believe me Im the one looking in the mirror everyday and seeing the spare tire that goes all the way around me to give me a tabletop booty and a stomach apron, so im not negative im just being honest with how i look cause theres no point in fooling everyone else and myself of someone that I am not ..
So thats all for now just wanted you guys to know where Im coming from and this gives you all an insite on my feelings towards all that.I could go on and on but i wont so i hope you all understand,and hope everyone is getting their workouts it xoxoxo
jenn
One day
Hey guys i was on a bike ride this morning and it hit me as i passed these 2 girls they were fit and thin wearing cute outfits,I just want to know what it feels like to be fit and thin,I wanna wear cute outfits where while im walking or running the shorts dont ride up my legs and hip part dont ride up to my waist cause my fat forces those things to happen, one day i will wear a sports bra and cute shorts but
I guess one I have to be comfortable in my own skin and dont look hidious in the clothes but IT MIGHT NOT BE TODAY,TOMORROW,OR NEXT WEEK (but hopefully by the time im 40 and thats only 2 yrs away)BUT I WILL GET THERE.
I want to be one of those fit girls who can buy cute things and look good in them,
I just want to know what it feels like to be thin and fit,but as i was doing tummy tucks not surgery lol moves for the abs hehe and when my fat was moving it was actually hurting and when that reality happens it hits me will i ever get there? ONE DAY
p.s. this blog is not meant to upset any girls who work hard for their bodies and experience those kinds of things im just posting my thoughts of what im feeling right now.
Thanks guys for all your support xoxox
Jenn
I guess one I have to be comfortable in my own skin and dont look hidious in the clothes but IT MIGHT NOT BE TODAY,TOMORROW,OR NEXT WEEK (but hopefully by the time im 40 and thats only 2 yrs away)BUT I WILL GET THERE.
I want to be one of those fit girls who can buy cute things and look good in them,
I just want to know what it feels like to be thin and fit,but as i was doing tummy tucks not surgery lol moves for the abs hehe and when my fat was moving it was actually hurting and when that reality happens it hits me will i ever get there? ONE DAY
p.s. this blog is not meant to upset any girls who work hard for their bodies and experience those kinds of things im just posting my thoughts of what im feeling right now.
Thanks guys for all your support xoxox
Jenn
Just guuuurrrr
Hey guys hope you all are having a great saturday,I thought mine was gonna start off to a great one ..I was back into my 3 aday workouts and my food was right on target,so I was actually looking forward to stepping on the scale so I got up went and stepped on and closed my eyes and when i heard the beep I opened and my heart just sunk to my feet it felt like my eyes were still closed,cause there was a big goose egg ele zilcho.
Then the mentality set in I started thinking im taking the day off cause im physically tired anyway so what the heck,then i decided im not gonna let the old to take back over so after my lunch i went on a 6mi bike ride...
Its just one of those things that i start running through my mind is that i have picked up my cardio and strength training again so am i building muscle? holding fluid?my body tired and wanting a break?all those questions and more I keep asking myself and I should know cause I am so intune with my body I really pay attention to it so why an I being stubborn and trying to find a different answer when I already know it.
Because normally m body like to build muscle first then likes to release the fat not sure why but i know when i start adding biking to my cardio it likes to build up my legs before it lets fat go its good but for the scale days its not so good cause we all know when trying to lose weight we want to see the number go down and when that happens the inches go as well,but me its like if the scale doesnt move the inches dont either,so frustrating ,but Im determined to keep going and not met it get me down tomorrows sunday and I am gonna take a rest day to rest mind and body cuse they both need to be on the same page.. so by doing that I can plan my meals for the upcoming week and prepare them cause its so much easier when all you have to do is re heat,so I think its enough rambling for now I hope you all enjoy the rest of your weekend and are hitting your cardio hard and eating as clean as possible.
I want to thank all my TONE IT UP GIRLS for all your love and support because I couldnt do it without you,anytime Im stuck,struggling or have a ton of questions you all are always there for me and I hope I dont get on your nerves with all the questions cause i always ask alot when i dont understand something or if im starting something new cause i have a tendency to mess it up.
So just know that I love and appreciate you all so much i cant and dont want to do it without you all.
MUCH LOVE,JENN
Then the mentality set in I started thinking im taking the day off cause im physically tired anyway so what the heck,then i decided im not gonna let the old to take back over so after my lunch i went on a 6mi bike ride...
Its just one of those things that i start running through my mind is that i have picked up my cardio and strength training again so am i building muscle? holding fluid?my body tired and wanting a break?all those questions and more I keep asking myself and I should know cause I am so intune with my body I really pay attention to it so why an I being stubborn and trying to find a different answer when I already know it.
Because normally m body like to build muscle first then likes to release the fat not sure why but i know when i start adding biking to my cardio it likes to build up my legs before it lets fat go its good but for the scale days its not so good cause we all know when trying to lose weight we want to see the number go down and when that happens the inches go as well,but me its like if the scale doesnt move the inches dont either,so frustrating ,but Im determined to keep going and not met it get me down tomorrows sunday and I am gonna take a rest day to rest mind and body cuse they both need to be on the same page.. so by doing that I can plan my meals for the upcoming week and prepare them cause its so much easier when all you have to do is re heat,so I think its enough rambling for now I hope you all enjoy the rest of your weekend and are hitting your cardio hard and eating as clean as possible.
I want to thank all my TONE IT UP GIRLS for all your love and support because I couldnt do it without you,anytime Im stuck,struggling or have a ton of questions you all are always there for me and I hope I dont get on your nerves with all the questions cause i always ask alot when i dont understand something or if im starting something new cause i have a tendency to mess it up.
So just know that I love and appreciate you all so much i cant and dont want to do it without you all.
MUCH LOVE,JENN
A must for me
Hey guys I wanted to share something with you that I do every morning
when I get up and do before I go to sleep at night I hope you listen and
may they help you if you need some strength... I can do all things through CHRIST who strengthens me ..
Why oh why
Hey everyone it been awhile since i have blogged just been trying to adjust to everything thats going on with tom and me....so here goes all honesty.
I know its no excuse but since toms been sick I have gained 20 lbs roughly and its been terrible, with all the traveling we do back and forth to cleveland clinic its so hard to pack all my food cause we never know how long we are going to be there etc and cardio is so hard in a hotel room i know its no excuse but thats all i can say about that,so now on to the last week we decided we needed a break so the dr gave us the ok to go and visit family so we came to indy and i did come prepared with my coler of food and drinks and workout gear so needless to say my good intensions went down the toilet.
With people that dont share the same habits and dont plan things properly makes everything that you do super hard and you give in to temptation and next thing you know 1 day snowballs into a week and im feeling it i feel like crap physically and mentally,today we had a party for my niece and i changed clothes 3x cause i felt yucky and looked worse and you would think that would wake me up out of this funk but instead it made me want to continue to eat bad.
So not sure why i mentally fight with myself over this but i had all intentions doing everything right but on monday morning we are heading back home and i will be so glad i will miss my family terribly but i need to be back in my own safe zone where its easier to control my food and cardio.
My cardio is my stress reliever it helps so much and I have got to do the tone it up plan awesome for 10 days before all this happened so now its like all the hard work i put into those 10 days is now gone and i have to fight harder to get back to where i was...I did manage to get 1 good run in while i was here and let me tell you it was so hard it felt like it was my very first run of my life and it wasent ,its amazing how 5lbs feels like 50,and once again i did something i swore i would never do when i lost 134 pounds i said wow i will never go back to being like that again and look its slowly happening and when i see all the people from bl and those shows gain all their weight back i say to myself wow how can they let that happen? Now i know i am eating my own words.
So i made a promise to GOD last night and i am not going back on my word i want,need,and deserve this so i will succeed with all the help from my TONE IT UP TEAM we will make this happen i cant do it without you and the LORD.
Sorry i went on a rant i start to write then get off point with something else i need to say so on that note i will let you all go for now and promise to blog again very soon
Love you all so much xoxox
JENN
I know its no excuse but since toms been sick I have gained 20 lbs roughly and its been terrible, with all the traveling we do back and forth to cleveland clinic its so hard to pack all my food cause we never know how long we are going to be there etc and cardio is so hard in a hotel room i know its no excuse but thats all i can say about that,so now on to the last week we decided we needed a break so the dr gave us the ok to go and visit family so we came to indy and i did come prepared with my coler of food and drinks and workout gear so needless to say my good intensions went down the toilet.
With people that dont share the same habits and dont plan things properly makes everything that you do super hard and you give in to temptation and next thing you know 1 day snowballs into a week and im feeling it i feel like crap physically and mentally,today we had a party for my niece and i changed clothes 3x cause i felt yucky and looked worse and you would think that would wake me up out of this funk but instead it made me want to continue to eat bad.
So not sure why i mentally fight with myself over this but i had all intentions doing everything right but on monday morning we are heading back home and i will be so glad i will miss my family terribly but i need to be back in my own safe zone where its easier to control my food and cardio.
My cardio is my stress reliever it helps so much and I have got to do the tone it up plan awesome for 10 days before all this happened so now its like all the hard work i put into those 10 days is now gone and i have to fight harder to get back to where i was...I did manage to get 1 good run in while i was here and let me tell you it was so hard it felt like it was my very first run of my life and it wasent ,its amazing how 5lbs feels like 50,and once again i did something i swore i would never do when i lost 134 pounds i said wow i will never go back to being like that again and look its slowly happening and when i see all the people from bl and those shows gain all their weight back i say to myself wow how can they let that happen? Now i know i am eating my own words.
So i made a promise to GOD last night and i am not going back on my word i want,need,and deserve this so i will succeed with all the help from my TONE IT UP TEAM we will make this happen i cant do it without you and the LORD.
Sorry i went on a rant i start to write then get off point with something else i need to say so on that note i will let you all go for now and promise to blog again very soon
Love you all so much xoxox
JENN
Not forgotten
Hey my sweets just to let you al know that I havent forgotten about you or my blog but things have been alittle crazy BUT i will post a blog wen I get back tonight from my nieces birthday party when I have more time....
LOTS OF LOVE XOXOXO
Jenn
LOTS OF LOVE XOXOXO
Jenn
When the ones we love hurt
There is so much for me to vent about tonight,but I'm gonna just vent about when the one we love most in the world is hurting....my husband is battling conjestive heart failure and there is so much that goes along with that its just amazing,watching him everyday struggling to breathe doing the simple things in life that we all take for granted like putting on our shoes,laying down,and just simply breathing.
The therapy nurses are playing around with his meds cause they noticed he was pale and low blood pressure etc,cause i guess some of the meds shouldnt be taken at the same time cause they do lower your pressure and i was like wow the dr should have known that and said well take these at different times cause it can make you weak,well they said well o2 at night will def help him sleep better and wake up well rested well its been 5 nights and we are still waiting for that to happen,they also said moving the times of his meds should help too and we are waiting on that too.
I know with an ejection fraction of 15% there is shortness of breath but when it was that before he never was short of breath...i say that cause he had open heart to repair his leaky valve and at that time is fraction was 15% then it went up to 30% but had to put a defibulator in and things were going great til december when he started being short of breath mind you that in nov the nurse called and said his echo came back good,so i call the dr in dec and told her hes been short of breath etc and she said well let me look at his echo so she goes well his fraction id back down to 15 and i said uum the nurse called us and said all was good....so talk about a shocker..so after tests and his heart needing to be a certain number before the insurance would pay for the pacemaker to be put in,so thats what happened they added the pacemaker/def combo and he has been in nothing but misery,i dont mind taking care of him cause hes my husband and those were in my vowels sickness and in health but its so hard to see him like this because hes so independent and hates to have people wait on him hand and foot etc,but he is my husband and i will do anything in the world for him i just want im to get and feel better soon.
But the way it looks he will be added onto the transplant list if things dont improve,but i doubt if they improve where his heart % oes over 30 again cause they said his hart was so enlarged and stretched out that they doubt if it goes back to normal.....so who knows how long the list will be im sure its really long and not sure how all that process works but when we go to the dr im gonna ask,cause he needs to be on it for that reason of not knowing how long the wait is....and i dont want im to be suffering anymore and i think he really qualifies .....so whoever reads this blog i ask that you please say a prayer for tom cause we need all the help we can get.....
thanks again xo jenn
The therapy nurses are playing around with his meds cause they noticed he was pale and low blood pressure etc,cause i guess some of the meds shouldnt be taken at the same time cause they do lower your pressure and i was like wow the dr should have known that and said well take these at different times cause it can make you weak,well they said well o2 at night will def help him sleep better and wake up well rested well its been 5 nights and we are still waiting for that to happen,they also said moving the times of his meds should help too and we are waiting on that too.
I know with an ejection fraction of 15% there is shortness of breath but when it was that before he never was short of breath...i say that cause he had open heart to repair his leaky valve and at that time is fraction was 15% then it went up to 30% but had to put a defibulator in and things were going great til december when he started being short of breath mind you that in nov the nurse called and said his echo came back good,so i call the dr in dec and told her hes been short of breath etc and she said well let me look at his echo so she goes well his fraction id back down to 15 and i said uum the nurse called us and said all was good....so talk about a shocker..so after tests and his heart needing to be a certain number before the insurance would pay for the pacemaker to be put in,so thats what happened they added the pacemaker/def combo and he has been in nothing but misery,i dont mind taking care of him cause hes my husband and those were in my vowels sickness and in health but its so hard to see him like this because hes so independent and hates to have people wait on him hand and foot etc,but he is my husband and i will do anything in the world for him i just want im to get and feel better soon.
But the way it looks he will be added onto the transplant list if things dont improve,but i doubt if they improve where his heart % oes over 30 again cause they said his hart was so enlarged and stretched out that they doubt if it goes back to normal.....so who knows how long the list will be im sure its really long and not sure how all that process works but when we go to the dr im gonna ask,cause he needs to be on it for that reason of not knowing how long the wait is....and i dont want im to be suffering anymore and i think he really qualifies .....so whoever reads this blog i ask that you please say a prayer for tom cause we need all the help we can get.....
thanks again xo jenn
