An Open Heart

A few posts ago I told you all that when i was ready I would open up about certain things that have been holding me back,and those 2 things are having an eating disorder and sexual abuse/trauma as a child.

As I was on the treadmill this afternoon one of my fav songs came on and i realized it describes where i am right now in my life and all the things that have happened in my life that made me who i am today.
It really came to light when tom got sick and my weight creeped up really fast and I realized that something had to be done, I needed to know why I was doing this to my body and I needed help do deal with all the emotional things with tom..so after many many sessions the root behind it all was the sexual abuse and trauma as a child.
I was stuffing myself with food looking for comfort in anything that I was doing,happy things,sad things anything that delt with emotion,and the stuff with tom was the breaking point in my mind and body.
I wont go into all of the story but the basic was I didn't have that mind body connection,and I was always in a fight or flight mentality,so basically this song is me saying my heart is finally free,Ive been stuck in a cage..I'm letting the fat and memories go even though they will always be apart of me,they have made me who I am today.

My weight has kept me in a cage holding me back from so much in life and I finally feel like I'm getting to be the person Ive always wished and wanted to be.

I debated putting this out there but then I thought there might be someone else in the same place and they might not have anyone to turn to so if this helps just one person then it was well worth it.

As I always say I'm a work in progress,thank you to the TONE IT UP COMMUNITY you girls help me so much on a daily basis.
So I will put the song here enjoy xoxo

                  
I will lay down next to you stay in bed
All afternoon we were
Birds of a feather we were always
Together And I never will forget
All the little things you said
And that beautiful summer you used to call me your love bird
But the time went on, the wind has blown, and I have grown
And I've started a feeling
That my wings have been broken

And I can't believe
That I would ever want to be set free
But I just can't stay

So your lovebird's flyin' away
Your lovebird's flyin' away
Cause my hearts been stuck in a cage
Gotta sing my song, so pretty
Dum, dum, diddy
And I'll miss you everyday
But there's nothing left to say
Gotta sing my song, so pretty
Dum, dum, diddy
I want the world at my feet
Even if it's bittersweet
Wanna stand on my own and
Put my heart in my own hands
Cause I begun to see that you and me are different breeds
So I gotta be leaving
Gotta get back to breathing

And I can't believe
That I would ever want to be set free
But I just can't stay

So your lovebird's flyin' away
Your lovebird's flyin' away
Cause my hearts been stuck in a cage
Gotta sing my song, so pretty
Dum, dum, diddy
And I'll miss you everyday
But there's nothing left to say
Gotta sing my song, so pretty
Dum, dum, diddy

And you'll always be
A part of me
You made me who I am
But I gotta say
I'm not afraid to test my wing span
Cause they say if you love something
Let it go let it go let it go
Open up the gate cause your lovebird's flying away...
Your lovebird's flying away
Cause my hearts been stuck in a cage
Gotta sing my song, so pretty
Dum, dum, diddy
And I'll miss you everyday
But there's nothing left to say
Gotta sing my song, so pretty
Dum, dum, diddy