I was running this morning this song came on and got me thinking about me as a person and my weightloss journey.....the song was I wanna know what love is by wynonna,and as the lyrics were playing i started thinking that while i was fat i was so mad at the world like it was the worlds fault that i was overweight......I never wanted to go anywhere cause no clothes fit I lived in sweat pants and pj pants,and when we did go somewhere i felt like people were looking at me and talking about me.....well to a point I guess thinking to themselves or someone else saying wow look at her she needs to do something about her weight she looks terrible.
I was in such a shell and had a wall up,and so mean to people cause I was afraid of getting hurt,and it turns out I was hurting myself w/ food and not letting anyone get close to me.I guess when i look in the mirror I don't see a different person,cause I look at my arms and think all I am doing and they aren't toning up,and my apron is still there,but I am gonna keep going......as more of the song kept playing it had me thinking more that all that I am doing w/ food and working out it's not about like it was before i gotta do all this to get this weight off and in the back of my mind thinking well if I lose this weight I can eat junk again....it's more about now that this is my life it's no longer a diet it's my lifestyle......and how I am gonna live from now on,when I don't w/o there's alittle guilt but I know I need a days rest so I can be better for the rest of the weeks w/o's.
I have noticed that with the weight loss my self esteem has improved,I don't think that everyone's out to get me lol like I thought before,and I wanna go out and do things,but now I have no clothes really to wear,w/ more weight to lose I don't wanna waste money on clothes that in a few weeks or months I won't be able to wear,so I don't wanna throw that monet away......so I bought cheap tank tops at walmart that stretch so i can get a long time out of them,and it was raining last weekend and cold TOM and I went to the cemetary and it was to cold to wear ttops go figure so i had to wear a sweatshirt heheheheh,so I am glad w/ this weightloss I am in large tops some are mediums pants are larges in w/o clothes and plain shorts but jeans are iffy .
Well thats enough babbling for tonight once I start talking I can't stop.....I have turned into a blabbermouth I love to talk just can't shut up lol lol lol....but anyway I am gonna go cause the LAKERS are getting ready to come on and if we win we go to the finals,if not then there will be a game 7 in LA and we would definately need that one to go to the finals so wish us luck everyone
much love all,jenn
WELL ANOTHER ONE DOWN
Well it's friday again and nothing new to report if you will......well besides it's the playoffs in basketball and my LAKERS are in WOOOOHOOOOO,and they are back in utah for game 3 and i am so excited.
2 more weeks roughly I will be in georgia visiting KAREN,so excited i can't wait,we will have so much fun,we had a blast last yr.,i can't believe it's been a yr.already,and sunday is mothers day and I am alittle upset because my mom is dead and I don't wanna go to the cemetary,but I will and I get to visit my gram and pap also which they are right above my mom,and they pretty much raised me growing up........and I will not go into the whole situation,let's just say it will be a rough day for me.
My trip to indy I was worried about because my body finally was in a losing streak and I was afraid that if I went because of the different atmosphere and stuff it would completely throw me off......and it did,I did good with my food which I knew i would it was the working out I knew would be trouble and it did....well like always everytime i go there i get sick and i did,so that for one I didn't feel like working out cause it was a chest cold or sinus etc.so.......I did get one day in before I was sick,and when i weighed in it showed a gain which was weird cause i waas only there for 2 days b4 i weighed in so i knew with my food there was no way i over ate,so not sure what was up w/ that.
Then my week started again w/ thursday and by then i was blown out sick so i knew when i weighed in at home it was probably water retention from being sick and 1 day of eating 1700 cal would not do that much damage and i was only up 4oz so i guess that's not bad for 2 weeks......and i will know more by this thursday's weigh in,if i am down alot then i know it was really water retention from being sick and the different atmosphere,but if there's not a big loss then i know i did worse then i thought.....that's why I don't like doing anything different then what my body is used to like going out of town especially when my body is on a roll cause i have learned how to read my body and listen to it so i get afraid cause i know it will take forever to get it back on a losing streak again....and i hope and pray it starts right away......I know our body needs a break but for me a week is to long a day here and there is ok but my body is so touchy it's so weird I think I am an exception to all the rules......LOL,LOL,WELL I think that's enough babbling about my weight issues but once I start I can't stop.....well everyone it's time to sign off for tonight it's almost 9 and the LAKERS will be on and i wanna watch pre game.....I can't help it I love football and basketball I am in heaven when these 2 sports are on.......
NITE ALL
2 more weeks roughly I will be in georgia visiting KAREN,so excited i can't wait,we will have so much fun,we had a blast last yr.,i can't believe it's been a yr.already,and sunday is mothers day and I am alittle upset because my mom is dead and I don't wanna go to the cemetary,but I will and I get to visit my gram and pap also which they are right above my mom,and they pretty much raised me growing up........and I will not go into the whole situation,let's just say it will be a rough day for me.
My trip to indy I was worried about because my body finally was in a losing streak and I was afraid that if I went because of the different atmosphere and stuff it would completely throw me off......and it did,I did good with my food which I knew i would it was the working out I knew would be trouble and it did....well like always everytime i go there i get sick and i did,so that for one I didn't feel like working out cause it was a chest cold or sinus etc.so.......I did get one day in before I was sick,and when i weighed in it showed a gain which was weird cause i waas only there for 2 days b4 i weighed in so i knew with my food there was no way i over ate,so not sure what was up w/ that.
Then my week started again w/ thursday and by then i was blown out sick so i knew when i weighed in at home it was probably water retention from being sick and 1 day of eating 1700 cal would not do that much damage and i was only up 4oz so i guess that's not bad for 2 weeks......and i will know more by this thursday's weigh in,if i am down alot then i know it was really water retention from being sick and the different atmosphere,but if there's not a big loss then i know i did worse then i thought.....that's why I don't like doing anything different then what my body is used to like going out of town especially when my body is on a roll cause i have learned how to read my body and listen to it so i get afraid cause i know it will take forever to get it back on a losing streak again....and i hope and pray it starts right away......I know our body needs a break but for me a week is to long a day here and there is ok but my body is so touchy it's so weird I think I am an exception to all the rules......LOL,LOL,WELL I think that's enough babbling about my weight issues but once I start I can't stop.....well everyone it's time to sign off for tonight it's almost 9 and the LAKERS will be on and i wanna watch pre game.....I can't help it I love football and basketball I am in heaven when these 2 sports are on.......
NITE ALL
SICK AS A FIGGEN DOG
Well I am here visiting my family and as usual I am sick as a dog,it happens everytime I go to INDIANAPOLIS,not sure if it's the change in weather,or something in this state.....so I went and got more medicine,and gonna try the airborne stuff i see on tv........my brother goes here try some v-c so I took one and it's supposed to help so I think I am gonna take this on a regular basis since i am going to GEORGIA in a few weeks I don't wanna be sick there like I was last year,but I was already sick it wasen't the weather there thank goodness.
So any who I am gonna go to bed early tonight and hopefully sleep a good bit and rest my body,we are having a cookout tomorrow on my last day here so i wanna be well rested,and not all stuffed up and coughing my head off,so that's all I have been up to,so I hope everyone has a great sat. night and sunday......muah xoxoxoxoxox
So any who I am gonna go to bed early tonight and hopefully sleep a good bit and rest my body,we are having a cookout tomorrow on my last day here so i wanna be well rested,and not all stuffed up and coughing my head off,so that's all I have been up to,so I hope everyone has a great sat. night and sunday......muah xoxoxoxoxox
